The author and speaker opens up about fatherhood, healing, and what it means to reinvent your life
Marcus Lee Stephenson has built his life around one belief, that reinvention is not a moment but a practice. The Texas-based author, speaker, talk show host, and founder of the Reinvented Movement channeled decades of personal adversity into two new books, Reinvented and Still Dad After Divorce, both due May 1 with pre-orders available now.
What inspired you to write Still Dad After Divorce?
It’s because I’ve always been a present father. With a lot of friends I know who had divorces, we would talk, “how do you deal with it?” “How do you still have a relationship with the ex-wife?” The main thing is being a present father. Unfortunately, the court system gives us every other weekend, and I know a lot of guys, that’s all they stick to. They say, “well, I see mine on the weekends.” But they need you every day.
I did miss tucking them in bed, cooking them breakfast, cooking them dinner, but I made adjustments. I would go and fix breakfast early in the morning, drop it off by their house before they go to school. I just love my kids. Now I’m a grandfather, and I think I treat my grandkids better than I treated my kids.
What inspired Reinvented?
I recently lost my dad less than a year ago. I was at home, kind of sad, and I was like, man, I don’t have any more parents, because I lost my mom maybe six years before. I prayed to God, give me strength. In the middle of the night, God put it on my heart, reinvented. The next day, God was like, you’ve been reinvented. The “re” in reinvented was reminding me of everything.
What made me start writing that book was, I remember when I was 5 years old, when my dad had hit my mom. I took the phone off of the kitchen, calling my grandmother, crying. It was storming, raining, and my grandmother could never drive. But somehow, she busts through the front door. She pulled out a pearl-handled pistol and pointed it to my dad’s head and said, “Melvin, I love you, but if you ever hit my daughter again, I’ll kill you.”
I ran to my mom and hugged her. I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get daddy killed.” She said, “no, he’s not dead, he almost got dead.” At 5 years old, I told my mom, I will never hit a woman. To this day, I’ve never raised my hand to any woman.
Reinvented taught me it was more mental. I didn’t understand why I used to stutter in school. When I was writing that book, I understood why. I was still traumatized. There are so many things that happened to me growing up that I needed to heal from.
Why is it important for men to be vulnerable and self-reflect?
What God showed me was, “it’s not for you, it’s for other people. Your story’s going to affect other men.” I tell people, I’d rather be wealthy in my body, in my mind and spirit, than what’s in my pocket. Because I can have plenty in my pocket, but if my mind is not right, my health is not right, a dollar is not going to do me any good.
How can men reinvent their mindset around co-parenting?
With co-parenting, it’s tough, but you have to have communication. It starts with communication. I was going to games with my kids, and my first wife, we didn’t get along. But I was there for my kids. My children and I have a great relationship, and that’s not fictional, that’s just fact. It’s been times where their mom will say, “I wish they loved me like they love you.” Ever since my children were born, I was always nurturing, always hugging them. Every time I left, I said, “daddy loves you.”
Some men have given up custody of their child because they were mad because she didn’t want them anymore. But you have a child, and you were happy when y’all made that baby. Try to be in the kid’s life. Be there for your children. That’s the growth. That’s co-parenting.
How do you reassure children when a parent moves on?
When I was dating, my youngest daughter, she would clamp onto me. When they asked, “when am I going to meet your kids?” I said, “not yet.” I’m very protective of my kids, because I don’t know if we’re going to work out.
I have an event called the Reinvented Men Summit, and it’s basically what you’re talking about. Men can come in and just bond. We’re going to talk, and we’re going to have some disagreements, but that’s okay.
Reinvented and Still Dad After Divorce release May 1. Pre-orders are available now on Amazon or at marcusleestephenson.com. Find The Marcus Lee Stephenson Show on YouTube and Facebook, alongside co-hosts and manager Angelia Clark of Amplified Excellence Consulting and Linda King. Follow him on Instagram and TikTok at @iammarcusleestephenson.