THERE are plenty of reasons why someone might cheat on their partner.
But according to Esther Perel, psychotherapist and author of Mating in Captivity and A State of Affairs , there’s one thing that pops up time and time again.
It’s something called ‘deadness’, which might sound pretty intense, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
So, what is deadness and how can you spot it?
According to the pro, it’s something that happens in long-term relationships fairly often.
A feeling of emotional numbness can creep in, leaving you feeling disconnected from your partner.
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It can apply both to the experience of an individual or the relationship between the couple, Jess Matthews, Relationship and Dating Coach told Mamma Mia.
Deadness can happen after the initial excitement of a new relationship is over and routine and monotony sets in, even though there’s still love in the relationship.
During this time there might be a lack of intimacy, and you might feel “more like friends than lovers,” the pro noted.
WHY DOES DEADNESS LEAD TO CHEATING?
Esther’s research notes how people don’t cheat because they’re not in love anymore, but rather because they want to feel alive and excited again.
“From what I have seen infidelity most often comes down to selfishness, and by that I mean cheating is a by-product of a feeling of lack or insecurity within oneself,” Jess explained.
Deadness doesn’t need to mark the relationship’s end, but avoiding it does require a lot of effort on both ends.
Jess said prioritising “emotional and erotic aliveness” is a must , for starters.
“Keep dating each other, and stay curious,” she said.
“Netflix & Chill every weekend gets boring and it will suffocate the elements of surprise, mystery and playfulness that are intrinsic to keeping erotic energy alive within a connection.”
Instead, surprise each other and make an effort with small things to switch up the boring routine.
You also need to make an effort to love yourself, the pro said.
Feeling good about yourself and your own spark will help your relationship thrive.
Signs your relationship is heading for a divorce
- Persistent Communication Breakdowns
Constant misunderstandings, arguments, or a complete lack of meaningful conversation can signal deep-seated issues. - Emotional Distance
Feeling like roommates rather than partners, with a noticeable lack of intimacy or emotional connection. - Frequent Criticism and Contempt
Regularly criticising each other and showing contempt, such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking, can erode the relationship’s foundation. - Unresolved Conflicts
Recurrent arguments about the same issues without any resolution can indicate deeper incompatibilities. - Loss of Trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. If it’s been broken and cannot be rebuilt, it may be a sign that the relationship is in trouble. - Different Life Goals
Significant differences in future aspirations, such as career goals, lifestyle choices, or family planning, can create insurmountable divides. - Avoidance
Preferring to spend time apart rather than together, whether through work, hobbies, or social activities, can indicate a desire to escape the relationship. - Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported, whether emotionally, financially, or practically, can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment. - Financial Disagreements
Constantly arguing about money, spending habits, or financial priorities can strain the relationship. - Infidelity
Whether physical or emotional, infidelity can be a major breach of trust and a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. - Changes in Affection
A noticeable decrease in affection, physical touch, or romantic gestures can indicate a loss of connection.